So how about that foundation?

Well, today was wonderful!!!! I learned a whole lot about how to LIVE in NEW YORK CITY!!!! Watch your ass!!! You purse I mean, lol! I got $175 stolen from me + my debit card + my MONTHLY metro card!!! Crazy I tell you CRAZY!!!! But in spite of that today was fantastic. I went back to church after this experience heard a great message (Come Closer to GOD) and immediately put a call out to my peeps for a QUICK J *O*B!

Little did I know my homies have my back. Kanako went and returned something for me so she could give me $20, and offered to work to raise money for me. Danny had me work the door at one of his parties tonight and my boy Kufere is going to have me work for him in Philly on Tuesday! I was completely in awe of the support and love that I got and it makes me want to continue to give love and support people no matter what. Unfortunately I had to miss my girl Sallome's sista cypher, but hopefully she will have another one soon. We (So Live! Arts) have to get this promo tape done so we need to get Di the hard drive.

As far as my FAST/DETOX!!!! Things are going well. I had an apple, potatoes, a BIG salad, more apples, a mango (from PERU and it was DAMN good!!!!), and another apple with ALLLOT of water with PURE Cranberry juice in it. I stayed strong today even though the superbowl party had Ray's pizza. If you know about New York the you know about Ray's pizza, lol! Well. Needless to say, I felt great all night! I danced, danced, and danced some more, all the way until I had to go home. Thanks to the Manhata Crew~!!! Ya'll rocked!

Until next time... tomorrow is going to be a busy day. Whew, Pratt, meeting at the New School, then Philly.

Pray for me.

Much Love!!!!

me.

It is no disgrace to start all over. It is usually an opportunity.

After turning into bed at 10:00 pm last night I woke up this morning at 7:30 craving an apple, so I had one, I thought about it for a while and it is important to get the toxins out of your body, but it is more important to listen to your body. While listening to my body I realize that I must be mindful of my addiction, which is to refined sugar and white flour. I can tell you the truth when I tell you that after I eat the refined sugar and white flour, especially when it is mixed, I feel so tired instantly. I know that it is not good for me. So here it is folks...three apples later, I feel satisfied.

Truth and Perception

So today was long, but it did not seep in how tired I was until I was walking home from work and suddenly I was thinking of the fact that I was really being honest with myself. As much as I wanted to stop and get a slice of pizza or go get some cookies from Heavenly ... ahhh. I kept walking. As I continued down the street I was thinking how easy it is to be deceptive. I am not thinking negatively, but I will be realistic.

Deception is real and people walk around everyday deceiving themselves and other people. So I decided to really examine what it means to be truthful. On this walk I will be honest with myself and know that if I do not stick to my detox, it is okay, that is life. This just happened to me last week; I had tons of internal conflict about someone that I was seeing regularly, because I did not want to give up my abstinence. But then... well, after all the holding back.. well you know, or do you?

But as I start this new quest, I really have to be truthful with myself about what is okay. I mean food is one thing but it is just merely a part of what I find is important to be truthful about. So if I slip and eat something I "said" that I am not supposed to its cool, that’s life... but does that same thing hold true if I fuck someone randomly or smoke some weed because I want to or smoke a clove. Would you trust me the way that you do if you knew that I say one thing and do another thing? I am going back and forth about this. It seems as though our society embraces deception, we see it all day everyday in the media. As I was walking down Franklin and I saw this dude rolling a blunt in the car and a homie on the corner doing God knows what, I knew that people are sneaky. But let me tell you that in this past year, I have been more honest then ever. I have been deceptive in the past, but I now know what some of the repercussions of that can be.

How are you being deceptive in your life? Do you know your truths?

One day, I was sitting with my home girl talking about goals... and she was talking to me about "the EGO" and that it should not drive us. " The ego sometimes prefers the gloss over the details and employs methods of the defense mechanism" this would explain why I feel so bad if I give up on something that I set for myself. Considering that the only person that I really have to answer to is God and OneSelf.

I am on a quest to find all of my truths and be okay with them. If I want to Fuck, I fuck. If I want to practice celibacy for a year, I do that. If I want to smoke weed, I do. If I don't, I don't. Just know thing that I have the power to choose and the mind to not abuse is good. So while I am fasting for these three days I will be in a constant state of meditation to find the truth for me and be okay with the fact that my truths arealways going to be changing. But in order for me to live fully I must be comfortable with my truths and not judge others or myself and speak, listen, look, and learn with love and honesty and the ability to connect the dots.

First Day of Rebirth

Today is the first day of a fast/detox that I have committed to do for the month of February. Over the past year I have been basically abstaining form touch, love, men, etc. I have been tempted and gave into temptation twice, for two peoples names, which I will not reveal. What I realized in this year long process that touch is so important to me. I will melt as soon as touched. SO in this last month, I have decided to rid my body of any unwanted toxins so that I can have more energy and vitality.

Since I have decided to do this I have certainly been over indulging. So while I am on this quest I thought that I would document my experience. I know that this is going to take alot of will power. Part of me wants to do this for healing, cleansing, but I also want to do it because I feel like I need something to commit to for a certain period of time. In this walk I also have given up porn. This has been an interesting experience. I would love to explore my sexuality even more though, when I am with the right person and in the right place.

We will see... day one.

Day one will consist of water fast. Today, I will be making lots of phone calls for my grandparent’s birthday party. But most importantly, I will be meditating on Aissatou's store, my girl Neha in Peru and the BUDGET for a project that I have to turn in today. I also would like to start (again) and finish the Invitation, before I give it back to Sallome.

Lastly, I would like to make a plan for the next 30 days, so I know how to approach this the right way. I still have to take medication, which means that I will have to start eating something on Monday. I will do a three day water fast to start off and really conserve as much energy as possible to take me into the rest of February.